My husband has called me “consistently inconsistent” for years—long before either of us knew I was autistic or ADHD—and he’s always laughed at how unpredictable I can be. I never understood what he meant because, honestly, I make perfect sense to me. What I didn’t realize is that my autistic brain and ADHD brain are…
Tag: challenging myself
My Brain Can’t Make up it’s Mind
I’m AuDHD, which means I’m both autistic and ADHD, and sometimes it feels like I have two brains arguing with each other all day long. My autistic brain craves routine, predictability, quiet, and knowing exactly what to expect, while my ADHD brain wants novelty, spontaneity, excitement, and something new to chase. One part of me…
The Pause
Sometimes when I’m speaking, I can’t find the right words, and the longer the pause, the more anxious I become. My mind immediately starts racing: they’re not interested, you’re annoying them, hurry up and get to the point. The anxiety makes it even harder to find the words I was looking for in the first…
The Person I Thought I Should Be
I want to be an extrovert — I’m not. I want to make small talk — I’m not always sure how. I want to be invited — I’m often not, and usually that’s perfectly okay. I want to be funny, ask good questions, and know exactly when to laugh — but those things don’t always…
What’s Up with the Oversharing?
I heard someone say, “I overshare so I’m easier to tolerate,” and wow, that hit me hard because I think that’s exactly why I do it sometimes. The other reason I overshare is because I’m trying to connect and show that I genuinely understand what someone is going through because I’ve had similar experiences. But…
Losing Everything — and Maybe Gaining Something Too
I got hit with two whammies in one week—and weirdly, I’m starting to think it might not have been a bad thing. At the beginning of April (2026), my full-time employer told me our time together had come to an end, but thankfully it wasn’t a bad breakup and we’re still on good terms. That…
I Hope Teddy Forgives Me
My flowers beside me are dying and I feel genuinely sad about it, even though I know cut flowers are supposed to fade. I feel bad when I break anything, guilty when I throw things away, and I once got emotional over that IKEA commercial where the lamp gets abandoned in the rain. Now I…
I’ve Been Thanking AI for Years
I’ve been thanking AI assistants since it first appeared on my iPhone, and I quietly thank my computer when it behaves the way it’s supposed to. The more I learn about autism, the more I wonder if this is part of it — treating non-human things with kindness because my brain naturally extends feelings and…
I Found Some Words — And They Hit Hard
I’ve spent years trying to figure myself out—what’s wrong with me, why I feel the way I do, why I lose jobs and friendships. I’ve been given labels like depression, anxiety, PTSD, and more, but none of them ever felt like the full story. Since accepting that I’m autistic, something shifted—and I’m realising there’s nothing…
Lately my focus isn’t what it used to be—but I’m working on it.
My mind races on a good day—one topic to another—and I can’t stay focused (unless I’m hyper-focused, but that’s a post for another day). I’m on a journey of discovery, but my thoughts jump so much that it’s hard to remember what I’ve learned or stay on one track long enough to make sense of…
Is it weird that I miss COVID?
While the world went quiet and everyone put each other’s safety ahead of themselves, I found a sense of warmth at home with my little family. It was terrifying at times—my health issues made it feel especially fragile, and my panic attacks were heightened—but it also forced us to slow down and reconnect. My husband…
Describing pain?
I went to the hospital today for an appointment I’ve been waiting about six months for, and I had to answer the most dreaded question I face when I see a doctor: “can you describe the pain?” Ummm yeah… this has always been a weird question for me, because I know it’s not helpful to…
