I’m fooling everyone and if I’m not careful the world will discover that I’m a fraud — at least that’s what I keep telling myself.
Everyday I wake up with inspiration for things I want to do, need to do and would really enjoy doing; but, then I remember ‘oh yeah, I’m a fraud and I can’t actually do that’, and I stop myself for fear of being found out.
A string of bad work experiences, laid off from jobs, fired from jobs and jobs that were just not a good fit, have all added fuel to this theory.
The fear and doubt I have in myself prevents me from looking for and even landing work that I am trained to do, enjoy and have years of experience doing.
Perhaps this feeling is not one that will ever go away and rather than trying to fight it I should acknowledge it like an old acquaintance, use it as motivation and eventually I’ll show myself that I’m pretty awesome and I’m not actually fooling anyone because I am not a fraud!!
5sentences2happy 
So does your idea of being a fraud stem from your past work experiecences? Or that you lack motivation? And you believe that you really aren’t a fraud? And you just tell yourself that you are? I find this post very interesting, hehe. Probably because I have some relation to it.
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I’m not sure it stems from work experience it’s just the most recent fuel to the fire. And one I seem to draw upon whenever I want to get started either finding work or starting down a new career path. It could be a self-fulfilling prophecy and this is why I’ve struggled with work (more investigation may be needed here 🙂
I don’t think I’m actually a fraud (mainly because fraud is such a strong negative word). If I think about it rationally maybe I’m (like anyone) learning and growing professionally and as a person and I don’t know everything about everything. Good grades in school and finding life is not at all like high school or college may play a part as well.
Self esteem has always been an issue and has now manifested itself as this automatic thought ‘I’m a fraud’ and I question myself, abilities, knowledge and I fear people will see I’m not as awesome as I seem.
Writing about this and admitting this feeling to the world was hard since I try to hide it — but I knew I couldn’t be alone in this feeling and other must feel this sometimes too.
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This TED Talk was shared with me. It’s pretty awesome and worth checking out.
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