My mind races on a good day—one topic to another—and I can’t stay focused (unless I’m hyper-focused, but that’s a post for another day). I’m on a journey of discovery, but my thoughts jump so much that it’s hard to remember what I’ve learned or stay on one track long enough to make sense of…
Tag: guilt
Is it weird that I miss COVID?
While the world went quiet and everyone put each other’s safety ahead of themselves, I found a sense of warmth at home with my little family. It was terrifying at times—my health issues made it feel especially fragile, and my panic attacks were heightened—but it also forced us to slow down and reconnect. My husband…
Describing pain?
I went to the hospital today for an appointment I’ve been waiting about six months for, and I had to answer the most dreaded question I face when I see a doctor: “can you describe the pain?” Ummm yeah… this has always been a weird question for me, because I know it’s not helpful to…
“You have no right to be angry” – True but how do I turn it off?
I wasn’t feeling well last night and couldn’t bring myself to attend a party we had been invited to. My husband said he didn’t feel much like going either but felt he needed to make an appearance for us and give our love to the birthday couple (whom we love very much). He said he…
A Victory? A small one perhaps
Me: This shower feels amazing. I’m going to stay until the water gets cold Brain: hot water costs money and you don’t deserve to use hot water Me: I don’t care Brain: you should shower in the dark too Me: Fuck you! (Gets out of the shower just before the water goes cold)
POST 11: Avoidance • Laziness • Standstill Cycle
I started my own business several months ago and not a whole lot has happened with it since then — I truly believe in this idea and I know with some hard work I can make a small living for myself and add a little more positivity to world, but for now it sits and…
DAY 06: The Problem with Black-Out Curtains
I love my dark curtains, they block out the blinding streetlights at night when I’m trying to fall asleep, unfortunately they do the same with the morning sunshine that should be joyfully coaxing me out of my bed. Both a blessing and a curse black-out curtains are the nemesis of anyone like me who is…
DAY 2: Fighting Anxiety
I’ve had them enough to know that it’s not a heart attack, air is indeed getting into my lungs and I’m not going to die — but the first few anxiety attacks were terrifying. This morning instead of just trying to go about my regular activities and ignoring the vice-grip on my heart, shortness of…
DAY 1: Identifying My Top 5 Depression Patterns — So I can Begin Challenging Them!
1. I worry about everything and everyone and I can’t separate myself — my empathy runs too deep. 2. I sleep a lot or not at all, I wake up anxious everyday and I usually don’t tell anyone. 3. I avoid doing the things that need to be done and the things that I enjoy…
