My mind races on a good day—one topic to another—and I can’t stay focused (unless I’m hyper-focused, but that’s a post for another day). I’m on a journey of discovery, but my thoughts jump so much that it’s hard to remember what I’ve learned or stay on one track long enough to make sense of…
Author: kymmj02
Is it weird that I miss COVID?
While the world went quiet and everyone put each other’s safety ahead of themselves, I found a sense of warmth at home with my little family. It was terrifying at times—my health issues made it feel especially fragile, and my panic attacks were heightened—but it also forced us to slow down and reconnect. My husband…
Describing pain?
I went to the hospital today for an appointment I’ve been waiting about six months for, and I had to answer the most dreaded question I face when I see a doctor: “can you describe the pain?” Ummm yeah… this has always been a weird question for me, because I know it’s not helpful to…
I’m Back!
So, it’s been several years since I last wrote a blog. Good news: I’m still here. Let’s celebrate that. I’ve made some discoveries about myself, and this feels like the right place to explore them—hoping it helps me, and maybe someone else who needs to hear it. So come along with me as I unpack…
5 Things That Stop me from Killing myself
1. My husband. I can’t do that to him! 2. My daughter. It would ruin her life. 3. My animal babies. I love them. 4. The rest of my family and all my friends. 5. I’m too damn curious about what tomorrow will bring 🙂
“You have no right to be angry” – True but how do I turn it off?
I wasn’t feeling well last night and couldn’t bring myself to attend a party we had been invited to. My husband said he didn’t feel much like going either but felt he needed to make an appearance for us and give our love to the birthday couple (whom we love very much). He said he…
A Victory? A small one perhaps
Me: This shower feels amazing. I’m going to stay until the water gets cold Brain: hot water costs money and you don’t deserve to use hot water Me: I don’t care Brain: you should shower in the dark too Me: Fuck you! (Gets out of the shower just before the water goes cold)
5 Mean Things My Brain Says
1. You don’t deserve the things you have! 2. You’ve failed in life…you’re a terrible mother, terrible wife, a terrible daughter… 3. It’s only a matter of time and everyone is going to leave you? 4. Everyone can see you’re a fraud — you’re so stupid! 5. You can’t do anything, so why try?
The high! The crash! The pocket!
I’ve had a great weekend: night out with the gang, Canada Day, my birthday…It’s been awesome! But today I awoke with overwhelming guilts that suggest I somehow didn’t deserve to have a good weekend celebrating my family, friends, country or myself. My mind seems to be caught up in shirked responsibilities, budgetary impacts of the…
Post 14 — Post Stroke Depression
On January 25, 2017 I was taken to the hospital because I was dizzy, sick and acting strangely — turns out I was having a series of seizures and it was discovered that these were because I had had another stroke. My first stroke was three years and twenty-four days before this one. Although, physically…
POST 13: Those tricky bad faeries!
After taking a CBT course several years ago I thought I had a handle on my depression forever. For a long time, I’ve been medication free and quite good at using my CBT strategies and pulling myself away from the edge of sadness — I just didn’t think I would ever fall this deep into…
POST 12: Worst Anxiety Attack Yet
Yesterday evening I decided to hit the grocery store because they were having a great sale and I didn’t want to miss the last day to scoop up those awesome deals. Everything was great, we got pretty much everything I wanted to grab; but, just as we were at the counter getting ready to check…
5sentences2happy 